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Escaping in Suburbia

One my overwhelming feelings in the recent lockdown, was that of nostalgia. By nature I tend to think about the past, but the never ending sense of time took me back to my school holidays in the 1970s. I started to get inspired about the mundane suburban south London life of my youth; the high street gossip of my mother, the shopkeepers and the playground rumours.

Heaven and Hell

ABC, Beckenham, Regal, Beckenham History,

The Saturday Morning Pictures at the ABC Cinema was my heaven, especially the time when instead of showing a creaky old episode of Flash Gordon it was King Kong vs Godzilla; itself wildly out of date by today’s standards. The cinema at that stage was still in its unchanged 1930s glory with a ballroom upstairs and its own restaurant next door. Unfortunately, just along from it in an unassuming semi was my hell, my dentist Mr Bradford. He seemed to always find an excuse for some work to be done, probably due to some form of money-making scam off the NHS. Once when going for a check-up he gave me an on-the-spot filling without an anaesthetic. That event changed my thoughts on dentists forever with my next appointment 32 years later!

Spinning Tubs and Gravy

Peter Pan's Pool, Southend Pond, Catford, Bromley, Beckenham

Peter Pan’s Pool was a permanent children’s amusement park at Southend Pond situated between Catford, Bromley and Beckenham. There were roundabouts, swings and canoes on a boating lake of many inches’ depth, but my favourite was the Jigsaw Train with its revolving tubs you sat in. My Nan’s flat at nearby Nayland House overlooked this place and on her ‘Bisto Gravy’ button tin, I scratched my first word OXO. In researching this painting, I found out my inspiration for this; opposite the pond, next to the Green Man pub, OXO had their offices.

The Bride of Catford

Catford, Lewisham Town Hall, St Laurence, Boris Karloff, Elsa Lanchester

Although about aged 3 at the time I still recall this particular part of Catford which holds many memories for me. The looming old dark church opposite the theatre and a TV shop where I once glimpsed Dr Who and the Yeti one drizzly Saturday evening. Then there was Timpson’s Coach Station, permanently filled with the fog of the drivers Pall Mall cigarettes, but importantly the starting point of many day trips and holidays. Further along the road there was a draper’s shop with its fascinating pulley system that sent the cashiers money whizzing across the ceiling. So on a rainy, stormy night, outside the long-lost gothic Church of St Laurence and the Town Hall a couple of local lovers meet. They are, Boris Karloff, born in Forest Hill and Elsa Lanchester who once lived nearby in Farley Road, Catford.

Today Chiesmans, tomorrow the world

Dalek, Chiesmans, Lewisham

Most children growing up in southeast London in the 1960s will have come across Chiesman’s department store in Lewisham, with the obligatory visit to Father Christmas. My favourite part was down in the basement, seemingly full of overhead pipes for heating and the sprinkler system. Here there was the toy department and an indoor amusement area with a Dalek ride you could get into and then conquer the World.

This town wasn’t big enough for the both of us

Beckenham History, Sparks, Russ Mael, Ron Mael, Beckenham Junction, Rutland Lodge

In mid-1970s the playground was rife with rumours that the Los Angeles pop group Sparks had moved in nearby. I was doubtful as my friend had told me he had a swimming pool in his back garden with a baby shark, but this rumour was actually true. Years later I read an article that Sparks had been put into digs down in Beckenham, but Russell and Ron Mael hated having to get the last train back from London as there were no night buses in those days! My picture places them on Southend Road opposite the back of Beckenham Junction Station where there used to be an intriguing collection of buildings for the coal yard, including Rutland Lodge a house with one bay window but two front doors. Ron and Russell look very out-of-place; lost in suburbia, probably thinking their last hit was very prophetic.

Sausage rolls; a cut above the rest

Beckenham History, Kennedy's, Beckenham, Pies and Sausages

Kennedy’s was a south London chain of sausage and meat shops forever lost in time, locked in a 1930s splendour. Everything was very particular to the shops, vitrite ceilings, opaline lights and sunburst windows, through which you could glimpse, breakfast sausage, fruit pies and coleslaw. The branch in Beckenham High Street sold my favourite sausage rolls and my mother always told me that the young man who worked there cut his own hair. For me he certainly did, I always thought he looked like Mr Spock from Star Trek.

Bob’s Full House

Beckenham History, Monkhouse, Beckenham, Chinese Garage, Bob Monkhouse,

Someone at school once told me that Bob Monkhouse ‘acquired’ all the old railway memorabilia from Beckenham Junction station, and being an eight-year-old train fanatic this really annoyed me. Bob was born in Beckenham and was well known for his obsessive collecting so perhaps there was some truth. Here I have him by a local landmark in the most suburban part of the area, The Park Langley Garage. This unique building was modelled on a Japanese Temple but commonly called the ‘Chinese Garage’ and I always remember it from an earlier time when my dad used to pass it in our old Cortina.  In my painting Bob doesn’t want to cause attraction, so he’s going via Kelsey Park to his mock Tudor abode in ‘Greenways’

The last days of Mr Griffiths

Worsley Bridge School, Mr. Griffiths

The legendary Mr Griffiths was the woodwork and craft teacher at my junior school; his infamy coming from his attitude towards the boys, whom he terrorised. I have never witnessed such extreme violence towards young children, and I’m surprised he was allowed to get away with it. Just the thought of him made me feel sick so once after a lesson where we had to make a tetrahedron, I took it home and burnt it in our garden in some sort of childish exorcism. Unfortunately, later he asked for it back to put in the end of term exhibition; scared of his possible anger I had to ask my dad to track down the peach-coloured cardboard to replicate it. Years later some friends practicing their newly found driving skills saw him, now retired sitting opposite the school on his old Honda Club; just watching.

The ghosts of my life

David Sylvian, Sydenham, Beckenham, Penge, Catford, Japan

In my last days of secondary school, a classmate mentioned that over the weekend he’d, ‘seen that bloke out of the band Japan in the dry cleaners’. Of course, it was very possible as lead singer David Sylvian had been born at Stone Park Hospital, Beckenham when his mum and dad were living close to Penge East station; later moving to faraway Catford where the band, Japan formed. I’m not sure which dry cleaner it was, but as David was a stickler for details, I’m sure he would have been worried about its aesthetics, so I have him running from this very picturesque one at the Penge Triangle.

Dave and Ange go to Safeways

Beckenham History, David Bowie, Angie Bowie, Safeway Supermarket, Beckenham

Beckenham was blind to the up-and-coming ‘rock god’ David Bowie. Along with his wife Angie they were considered local eccentrics. There seemed to be something in this part of the High Street that attracted them, just along from the old Arts Lab at the Three Tuns and over the road from the Evelyn Paget hair salon. This picture is inspired when my mum saw his wife Angie at the cheese counter in ‘Safeway’, an ultra-modern supermarket for Beckenham, with more choice than the usual Kraft Cracker Barrel.

Black Snow

Beckenham History, Arts Centre on fire, Beckenham Arts Centre, Quentin Crisp, The Naked Civil Servant

Still to this day between Beckenham Library and my old orthodontist there is an empty plot of land. It was once the site of the Beckenham Arts Centre, which was a corrugated iron roofed bungalow, looking like something from an Indian Tea Plantation. One night in 1978 my father woke us up to tell us that the Arts Centre was on fire, and we should be ready to evacuate. Beyond, the trees were silhouetted against a glowing sky, which suddenly lit up as gas cylinders started to explode. The next day there was an eerie silence with an all-pervading smell of smoke and our back garden was covered in a strange snow of tiny blacken pieces of canvas from lost art.

Smoke and Bangs

Russell Kitchin, Hayne court, Vintage Car, London to Brighton veteran car run

Hayne Court was a massive dilapidated Victorian mansion along the street from where we lived. Despite its size, at night it seemed to be lit by a single bare bulb in a side window, which made us think it must be haunted. The garden was an overgrown jungle and only ever visited by some naughty neighbours who let their pet gerbils run free! It was however inhabited by an eccentric gentleman called Russell-Kitchen who collected vintage cars that he kept in a massive garage at the side of the house. Occasionally he made it into the outside world on the road, seen through clouds of smoke, accompanied by the sound of loud bangs.

Enid goes to Mystery Mansion

Enid Blyton. Bobs, Beckenham, Mystery Mansion, Beckenham Place Park, Standing Stones

At junior school I avidly read the ‘Famous Five’ stories of Enid Blyton, unaware that she had lived in seven different houses around Beckenham for thirty years. She always reimagined the landscape for her books, so I have made Beckenham Place Park the setting of ‘Mystery Mansion’ where she sits by the enigmatic standing stones;  long since gone and now replaced by the marker posts of the border between Lewisham and Beckenham over in the woods near Crab Hill. Deep in thought she dreams of more adventures whilst studiously ignoring her faithful but a bit too popular dog, ‘Bobs’


Ernie's, Maison Carl, Clockhouse Parade, Beckenham, Ron Mael

I’m not sure of the real name for the wildly out-of-date hair salon on Clock House Parade but my father always called it ‘Ernie’s’. Here in the back room, I was taken for my haircut; on the single wooden barber’s chair on to which a plank was put across the arms to get me up to the right height. Like many things in Beckenham during the 1970s it was still in the 1930s. All was very dark and dingy looking especially the front ‘Ladies’ part, looked after by Ernie’s brother who presided over the ancient equipment including a permeant waves machine. He looked like Ron Mael so this confirmed to me the playground rumour, that ‘Sparks’ really did live in Beckenham.

The man who wasn’t there

Blakeney Road, Ghost, Beckenham

It was a normal afternoon in the early 1970s walking home from school, going up Bridge Road, and crossing over onto Blakeney Road. Suddenly I became aware of a man walking in front of me who just seemed really weird. This section of the road was bounded on one side by a 6ft high wall separating the pavement from the railway so my mind was really focused on this man. He was attired in an old style suit, wearing a trilby hat and holding a little case. What eventually struck me after following him for a few minutes was the colour; I’d only ever seen people dressed like that in black & white films that my father watched. Then in the blink of an eye he just wasn’t there, I was startled and looked all around  but the street was totally empty. Feeling suddenly scared I ran all the way home to tell my mum I’d seen a ghost.

Return of Aunty Vi

Beckenham History, Clock House Parade, 1970s, Beckenham

One day walking by Bourne House just down from Clockhouse Station, an old Rover pulled up along side us. It was my long lost Aunty Vi, my fathers estranged elder sister, who let’s say, ‘liked the odd tipple’. Being a sort of deluded ‘Norma Desmond’, the car was driven by her husband Ken, playing the part of chauffeur, whist she sat in the back with her fur coat and pearls.

Ziggy played guitar and bought his tights in Woolworths

Beckenham History, Bowie, Woolworths, David Bowie, Beckenham,

One day my mum came back from shopping down Beckenham High Street with a bit more local gossip. She’d bumped into David Bowie in Woolworths where he was buying himself some tights. She wasn’t that in-to Bowie except singing ‘Starman’ whilst ironing but, “you should have seen his hair” In my painting I have him strutting his stuff to ‘Moonage Daydream’ in his new ‘Freddie Buretti’ daywear amongst the delightfully cluttered stock of Woolworths, a shop that was universally loved for being useful. ‘Woolies’ is the perfect place really to practice his stagecraft because he can also buy some ‘Copydex’ glue, in case his glitter falls off!

Paradise lost

Prefab, Dillwyn Road, Sydenham

My paradise would be my Aunty Doll’s (Doris) prefab over in Bell Green, Sydenham. Situated in Dilwyn Road and overlooked by the gasworks, its garden was a jungle of dahlias and chrysanthemums all lovingly tended to by her husband Danny. As a contrast, the inside of the house was all dark Victorian velvet curtains and Danny’s boxing trophies and where where strutted ‘Sooty’ their 18-year-old black cat, over-fed on smoked haddock and Jersey cream. It was all swept away in the early 1970s for redevelopment; a paradise lost.

Summerhouse Hill and far away

Beckenham Place Park

Beckenham Place Park was our countryside walk when we didn’t want to go to the countryside! Being a golf course, much of it was off limits to the public so it seemed all quite exclusive and it was surrounded by massive old houses including David Bowie’s abode ‘Haddon Hall’. We would visit on a Sunday starting toward the club house where I would be bought an ice cream, sometimes sitting on the colourful metal chairs in the cafe by the side, always longing to play putting but it never happening. After, we’d walk up through the flower garden by the old stables, then through Summerhouse Hill Woods to Crab Hill. Here, I’d try and fly my model glider and look out for the enigmatic marker posts of the border between Lewisham and Beckenham

Out of the Woods

Cary Blyton, Beckenham History, The Drive, Church Cresent, Silurian, Doctor Who

Bounded by Beckenham High Street, The Drive and Church Cresent lies a secret little piece of woodland through which the River Beck runs. Who knows what lurks there, but in the early 1970s a classmate of mine used to live in a house which backed this spooky place where we played in the river when it still ran free, before it was later encased in concrete to stop flooding. Once when playing hide-and-seek there I chased him as he ran through the trees and over a garden wall. I followed only to find that the garden wall was directly against a shed and there was nowhere he could have gone. Then I heard him calling from behind in the woods asking me where I was going; it was all a bit weird. Composer Carey Blyton; Enid’s nephew had also once lived a house over on The Drive which backed onto these woods. He became famous for his ‘Bananas in Pyjamas’ but my interest was that he later did the incidental music for Dr Who and the Silurians, using strange early English instruments.

Penge, shaken not stirred

Penge Odeon, although not our nearest cinema seemed to be our place to see James Bond films. I recall arriving with my father and sister halfway through ‘Diamonds are forever’ and sitting throuht it again so as not to miss anything. The next time was on my friend Ian’s birthday to see ‘Live and Let Die’ and then going across the road to the Wimpy Bar.. ah happy days.

Mum, when are we going?

Bromley history, New Theatre, Bromley High Street, 1970s

For me the weekly shopping trip of my mother to Bromley High Street reached its boring crescendo in Marks & Spencer. During her endless clothes shopping I used to stare out of the window up and down the High Street. Directly across the road was an ancient tobacconist and further up past Woolworths was Hennekey’s that had a barrel outside with a clock on it, which for some unknown reason always fascinated me.  Looking down towards the New Theatre I used to think of getting a Milky Bar bought from the little counter in Importers Coffee House opposite, famed for its revolving coffee roasting drum in their front window that scented that part of the high street.

Bromley history, Bromley High Street, 1970s, Woolworth, Hennekeys, 47 Bus

The Sleeper Awakes

H.G. Wells, Bromley Market Square, Maunders, Caters

When shopping in Bromley there were shops my mum always visited on the Market Square, Maunders the bakers, Caters supermarket, and sometimes the little tumbledown sweet shop next to Medhursts. After visiting Maunders I would pick away at the fresh hot bread and we would then go on to Caters who sold their own version of burger patties called ‘Steakettes’, bought individually from the meat counter and separated by little squares of paper. But the Market Square wasn’t famed for these things, it was the birthplace of Herbert George Wells and being an odd chap, he’s gone through time to about 1971 to see if he can still get bread in Maunders.

Cabbages and King

Bromley history, Elmfied Road, market, Bromley Methodist Church, Peter Wyngarde

My mother’s route when coming up from Bromley South shopping was past C&A,  Ghinns Wool shop, then into the new shopping mall. We would leave by the Elmfield Road entrance, to go to the fruit and veg of ‘Peter’. Peter was my mother’s nickname for the market stall holder who modelled his image on housewives favourite Peter Wyngarde, famed for playing TV’s Jason King. The greengrocer’s pitch was by Bromley Methodist Church with its stunning freestanding concrete spire, its life cut short by the Glades shopping centre. Wyngarde’s own career was cut short when he was prosecuted for gross indecency with a crane driver in public toilets at Gloucester bus station.

Hong Kong Garden

Hong Kong Garden, Siouxie Sioux, Chiselhurst, 1970s, Siouxie and the Banshees

Although not far away and within the borough, there was Chiselhurst, a place I only visited to see its famous caves lit by smelly paraffin lamps. For me Chiselhurst always seems like a place where something nasty lurked behind the mock Tudor facades and trimmed privet hedges. Anyway, we had no need for the Hong Kong Garden takeaway as we had the Diamond House in Beckenham. So I never encountered Siouxie Sioux except when my sister and I argued over the breakfast table as to which 45 single we should get with our collected cereal tokens. I opted for Hong Kong Garden and she wanted Night Fever from the year before. Sadly, being the younger sibling, I lost out!

End of Eden

River Beck, 1968 floods, Hayne road, Dutch Elm disease, Beckenham History.

It was about 1973 when the suburban countryside idyll started to go. Before this time the River Beck used to trickle down the end of our road, then along by Blakeney Road where mighty Elms lined the street. The first to go was the river, encased in concrete to stop flooding. The temporary bridge over the construction, named Tower Bridge by my sister; some reference to the Keep Britain Tidy Campaign at the time fronted by David Cassidy who she had a crush on!  I quite like the construction lights which looked like little Daleks, but more destruction was the follow with the onslaught of Dutch Elm Disease. One-by-one the avenue of trees that lined Blakeney Road fell to beetle and then saw, despite the valiant efforts of pumps fitted next to them like some sort of life support machine.

Moonlight Dig

Beckenham, Victorian Villas, Hayne Road

We moved to Beckenham in early 1971, to a modern terraced house built on the site of two Victorian Villas. This was the age when these behemoth houses were being demolished, but some were still surviving nearby and down the end of our street including the sublimely named Tespor with its next-door neighbour villa that featured an enormous verandah. To this house by the light of the moon my father and I went one night to rescue some hydrangeas for our garden when the house was being demolished.

In Every Dream Home a Heartache

Beckenham Junction history, Water Tower, Beckenham history, Rectory Road,

When walking to Beckenham Junction Station along Rectory Road in the early 1970s, my eye was always caught by the old water tower, long since redundant by the demise of steam trains. Not that my 8-year-old mind was bothered by that, I wanted to move in and live there;  away from my parents with the possibility of the biggest model train layout up in the water tank itself. Eventually it was swept away with my dreams and today no sign of it ever existing remains.

Time and a Space

Doctor Who, Jon Pertwee, Tardis, Police Box, Hayes Village, Bromley

Around 1969/1970 we lived for a short time over on Bromley common, a bit too far from everything, but good for an escape to visit the countryside on a Green Line Bus. One of these routes used to take us through Hayes village, where I would always look out for the Police Call Box near the George pub as I had just started to take an interest in the TV program Doctor Who. They one day we passed, and it was gone. I assumed into space and time, but the reality was redundance, killed by the walkie-talkie, now also redundant.

Pocket Money Itch

Beckenham Toys, Beckenham High Street, Beckenham History, Beckenham Sports and Toys

Without doubt Beckenham Toys was my favourite shop, which seemed to call me every Saturday to spend my pocket money. To this day I still recall the layout of this shop and what toys were where; but It was upstairs I really liked, because it also had the model section. Airfix kits, Aurora monsters, Hornby trains it was all there in such a tiny space. It was here too you would usually find the owner, Mr. Davis, prematurely bald and always wearing a check shirt, looking rather like the locally born character actor James Coussins, who was always present at the same period in film and television.

Crab Hill Salvation

Crab Hill, Beckenham, 1970s, Stunt Kite

I’m sure the year was 1975 when my mother bought me some trousers for ‘special occasions’. They were navy blue flares, extremely wide and made of the most uncomfortable material on the planet. How I remember they had itched at Paignton Coach Station on our holiday in Devon. Luckily divine intervention ended my suffering. One sunny day over on Crab Hill in Beckenham Place Park I was flying my elastic band powered model airplane, when a gust of wind caught it and took it up into a tree.Trying to retrieve it I fell off the picket fence and impaled the flares. Although I had the humiliation of dangling from the fence, the dreaded trousers were destroyed.

This is the age of the pain

Beckenham Junction Ticket Collector,

Perhaps one of the most embarrassing thing for me as as child was the sight of my father talking about cricket and roaring with laughter with the ticket collector at Beckenham Junction. The ticket collector may have been called or Dennis or was it Cassie; anyway all I wanted to do was become invisible and escape. Many years later on a winters night when in my early 20s, coming back from college, the same ticket collected stopped me. “I’ve had enough of you and your trouble making” he said and promptly pulled out a metal bar from his little kiosk to hit me with. Instinctively I grabbed it, but the joke was he’d left it all day on his radiator and it was red hot! Now I knew about the laughter; the man was completely mad. Ah, you don’t get service like that on British Rail anymore.

I was walking down the High Street…

The Laughing Gnome, David Bowie, Beckenham, Dell's Garden Shop, Beckenham history, Church Hill Beckenham,

I always thought Bowie’s The Laughing Gnome was written about Dell’s gardening shop opposite the Police Station. It had gnomes, flowerpots, trellis etc. all outside on the pavement so the  lyrics fitted perfectly. When I heard the song, I could picture it all, walking down the high street by A. Dell Seedsman. Much later in life I learnt it was written before he moved to Beckenham, and an old unscrupulous record company had re-released his early attempt at chart success; my version is better!